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Dolores, aging parents and Alzheimers is such a difficult situation. It's hard and heart-rending for the family.When my Mom was 78, she told us clearly what she wanted in the event of a few different possiblities. One thing she told us was that if she ever needed to be in long-term care, we should arrange it and not feel badly.
This helped us by the time she was 86 as she was suffering from dementia, which worsened as time went on. We were able to find a facility we felt comfortable with, although at that point Mother did not really want to go – nor did she always like it. As I have 4 siblings ( not all living close) we were able to share the visiting times, taking her for drives etc. We made sure Mother was never alone on her birthday, Christmas dinner etc.( even when she was no longer able to leave the facility). For the most part we found the care-givers very good and the programs well-suited to dementia patients.
Was it perfect? No – but this is a situation where perfect does not exist. If you can find a good placement BEFORE you are faced with an emergency ( in which case your options narrow) you may find that it's better than you thought . You must consider yourself too as you want to be able to help your Mom along and you can't get sick and stressed out.
My Mom lived to be 93. She was an amazing woman and mother. We wished things could have been different for her, but having her in appropriate care and then being generous with our time worked well for her and for us. I hope you will be able to sort this out and safeguard your own well-being as well as your Mom's.
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