I finally posted something in the personal progress thread

[linda]

Just letting everyone know, I did post a poem I wrote a few yrs ago during a low moment. I don't write poetry, but this just kinda spilled out of me. I have always hesitated to post as it is not a success story, but we seem to have a few members who have had a recurrence of symptoms, so I thought this might help them know that they are not alone in their feelings. The basic premise of the poem is that no matter how well we fee or how productive our lives are, we always have this little nagging thought at the back of our minds (a black fly)…what if it come back?

For me, 3 yrs ago I had been in a complete remission with drugs, but I could feel the changes in my body happening slowly, and I had this vision in my mind of a wave that is far out to sea, but it's there and it's coming, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I could leave the shore, but that would mean starting all over in a new place when I was so close to reaching my goal (degree). It's about the things that are stolen from us by a mindless enemy, and the losses we endure over time. There are a few other symbols in there, but they're probably cheesy and overdone. Oh well, I hope it brings some comfort or feeling of unity to those of us who are struggling.

Thanks ahead of time for restraining yourselves on the quality of the poem; as I said, I'm not a writer or a poet, unless you count the little diddy about how we do not like your posts and spam. So anyway, if you're so inclined, go take a gander at it, right now I think it's the only way I'm ever going to get something on that page!

[judy cash]

Linda,

Don't ever say that you are not a poet………………….You sure ARE…….. this poem is beautiful, and so real… I am new to AP for RA….. but I gathered much feeling from this work of yours.    I have feelings inside of me that I wish would come out  like that…..It's a blessing to be able  to release bottled up feelings, especially  when they are healing not only to you ,but to others….THANKS FOR SHARING……………….

JUDY

[Trudi]

Linda–

I just finished reading your poem; the word that came to mind when I finished was “profound.”  I actually looked it up in the dictionary because I didn't think it really described your poem sufficiently; however,  profound reads as “having intellectual depth and insight  and  characterized by intensity of feeling or quality.”   Great poem!! 

Thanks for sharing–

Trudi

 

Lyme/RA; AP 4/2008 off and on to 3/2010; past use of quinolones may be the cause of my current problems, (including wheelchair use); all supplements (which can aggravate the condition) were discontinued on 10/14/2012. Am now treating for the homozygous MTHFR 1298 mutation. Off of all pain meds since Spring '14 (was on them for years--doctor is amazed--me too). Back on pain med 1/2017. Reinfected? Frozen shoulder?

[Kim]

I'm speechless, Linda.  That was truly beautiful!

Hugs…..kim

[mommaof2princesses]

Linda,

I just read your poem. All I can say is…WOW. That perfectly sums up the way that I feel. You have an amazing talent you should seriously consider entering this piece into a contest or look into getting it published. It is beautiful.

[linda]

Thanks everyone for your kind words. Like I said, my sister is a poet, literally she has a book that she is trying to get published and has her master's in creative writing. So I do have to credit her for helping. She helped with some of the phrasing, but the parts of hers I left just don't quite feel like me, such as the phrases that contain the words cache and stuns. But it's 95% me, in that I put the words on the paper, but it's not me at all otherwise. I'm the mathgeek, remember? (Altho I firmly believe math is the purist form of creative art, but that's a whole other topic about which I could literally go on and on for pages; I have an excellent article on the subject if anyone is interested :cool:).

But even tho I wrote the words, I can't take the credit for them. I'm not completely sure that there is a higher power, but those images had been growing in my mind for a few yrs, I'd just never been able to express them. The day I wrote this was just about the worst day for pain I'd ever had, and I was alone in AZ where I literally didn't know a soul. If there is a higher power, he/she/it was with me that day and made it possible for me to put those feelings and images to words, I really have no other explanation. It only took me about an hour to write the whole thing, and there are only a few changes in the final product. I'd love to say it was me, but I know I'm just not that talented. So I feel kinda funny trying to get it published unless I submitted it anonymously. It truly does capture the fear and doubt we all live with, tho.

At first I thought maybe I had stumbled upon a hidden talent, but when I tried to write other things it was just a wash. This, and my genius effort on the old website about the evil spammers, which was a completely plagiarised template ala Dr. Suess, are my only successes.

Idk, maybe it was created out of pain, they say say all artists work from angst and pain. Whatever it was, it came and went. If anyone wants to copy it or submit it anonymously in a magazine or publication where they think it might do some good, you're welcome to it. One thing I'm sorely lacking in talent, is the ability to BE BRIEF!!! Again, I apologize for the incredibly wordy post.

Oh yeah, it was very cathartic to write that poem. I can't say that the pain lessened, but I definitely got a grip on it and stopped crying hysterically. Maybe that was the whole purpose for whatever angel/being/power it was that was with me that day. Once I was helped, it moved on to someone else who needed comfort. I like that thought. Maybe it wasn't meant for me at all, but instead was meant for others who are in pain, in which case keeping it to myself is wrong. But it's got some incredibly vulnerable emotions in it that are not easy to share, so it's difficult. Other than a few friends, this is the only place I've shared it, my own parents and sons have not seen it. I know you all understand why, we don't want our family and friends to know just how much pain we are in, so we hide it. But you all know and have the same kind of pain, so it's easier in a way to share it here. Plus, trust is not one of my stronger traits.

Long winded as usual, linda

P.S. I'm so philosophical today. As if I have any answers! Thanks for hangin' in with me if you're still reading! Btw, did you know that most of our influential mathematicians thruout history were also philosophers?….Take Descartes, for example……………hello?…hello? Hey, where'd everyone go?;)

[Trudi]

[user=11]linda[/user] wrote:

Long winded as usual, linda

:):):) But you're not boring–so it makes it all good :):):)–

Take care,

Trudi

Lyme/RA; AP 4/2008 off and on to 3/2010; past use of quinolones may be the cause of my current problems, (including wheelchair use); all supplements (which can aggravate the condition) were discontinued on 10/14/2012. Am now treating for the homozygous MTHFR 1298 mutation. Off of all pain meds since Spring '14 (was on them for years--doctor is amazed--me too). Back on pain med 1/2017. Reinfected? Frozen shoulder?

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